no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
