i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
