This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
