Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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