After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
