Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
