After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Randomize
