CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
