I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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