Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
