i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
