I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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