"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
