Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
