I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
