I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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