I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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