i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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