Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
