i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
