I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
