this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
