Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
