I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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