Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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