she woke up with a sticky ear
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
