TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
