I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
