she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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