OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
