You work out of a Hotel?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
