im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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