Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
