Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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