I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
