talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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