How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
