'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize