He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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