My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
