If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
