On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
