If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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