i jhust puked up my retainher.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
