you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
