Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i dont even know how to be here
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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