8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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