He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
