We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Panties = found
Randomize
