i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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