OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
sex in a hospital.. check
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Randomize
