he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
