I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
