all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
