it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
