I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
