I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
