question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
