You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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