3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
